The aftermath of my own abuse has affected my children as well as myself and my husband. For years, I suffered from severe depression, and alternate periods of mania. For years, I carried such terrible anger inside me.
Carrying something that damaging ended up affecting everyone around me.
My kids witnessed me tearing drinking glasses from my cupboard in a frenzy of anger, and smashing them onto the floor.
They have heard me screaming in rage and have seen me punch holes into my walls.
I made my children afraid of me because of the anger that was in me.
Praise God, today I can say that He has healed me. I gave Him my anger and He took it willingly. I gave Him my sadness and He took that as well.
I gave Him my hatred and my depression, my grief and my heart.
My kids will be “over-protected” and will probably despise me for it. My daughters will not be allowed to have sleep-overs at friends’ houses.
But, my children are healthy and whole, and ONLY because of God taking my past from me, and holding it Himself.
-bonnie
@victoriafrayne
I can understand what you are going through, Victoria. I, too, now a 36 mom of 4, have gone through emotional, physical and emotional abuse as a child for all of my childhood years. I’m still trying to recall if there was any sexual abuse. I hope you are doing well. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Bonnie
“I never stop thanking God for you. I always remember you in my prayers. Ephesians 1:16”
God has done great things for you and He will continue to work in you and your family.
Thank you for not being satisfied that God has done great things for you but that you want to see justice so that God will be glorified in that also. By your openness you are giving others a chance to start letting God work in their lives also.
Bonnie,
I am crying…
the song ‘Beauty for Ashes’ just came on! That made me cry more…
thank you for your honesty Also for giving God the glory for what He has done in your life recently! That will give others hope of what He can do in their lives.
I praise Him!
It’s a good thing I grew up with you and know where you are coming from……I am here for you and love and admire you greatly.
Dealing with abuse definetly has made being a mother to 4 children hard. I suffer from severe depression which has directly affected my parenting skills and in some ways, let down my children. Anger is always an issue, even now since this is starting to come to light. But my children love me and tell me that I am a good mom.
For years I hurt immensely and didn’t have anyone really to talk to about this. I took up drinking and drugs and got deep into them, while my kids slept in the next room. Abusive relationship after abusive relationship happened, all because after years of my own abuse I didn’t think I was worth being talked to nicely, or being treated kindly.
I have renounced this so-called God in my life, and did so shortly after my sister died. She was my rock and my confidant when I was going through the abuse and she was “taken” away. I have since realized she was the lucky one..she got to go be with the God she so dearly loved.
Now I am in my 33’s and still struggling with deep depression, suicidal thoughts and loneliness. Which I know isn’t my fault. Counselling isn’t the answer, the answer I want is justice for my childhood hell I had to endure.
My fiancee and my children stand behind me on dealing with my issues, and love me for ME. I want this dealt with, I want answers, I want justice! So I can begin again to love FREELY and be emotionally stable for my family that needs me.