Comments on: Naomi Cleaves (Quilliam)

By: carol christoffel

carol christoffel — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 19:14:31 +0000

Abuse of any kind done by religious authority figures is spiritual abuse.Many who are abused in the so called Missions Residential schools,are traumatized for life. Often folks turn to drinking,drugs or other compulsive behaviours to cope.It can cause one to be really really angry in God and to disbelieve in God. It is abuse on two levels.
There is nothing I can say that truly will help except my heart is with you, my spirit is with you. I write about this kind of thing all the time.Sometimes I have gotten some threats as it is tied to cultural superiority complex within some churches.No one admits to the problems of pedophilia within missions.Anyone who stands up is criticized as being anti-Christian or anti Christ. I say that it is those sick people who do these things that are destroying Christianity from within.
But as for your story.May the peace of God dwell within you.

By: shadowspring

shadowspring — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:18:00 +0000

“The dorm parents had a serious and difficult job and none of them were properly trained, qualified or equipped for the job. The system was bound to fail. And to add to it all, the dorm parents were looking after hurt children already who needed extra care.
The leaders of the school did not make sure that the children were being properly loved, nurtured, protected and look after. As a child at Fanda, I felt worthless, unimportant, uncared for, unloved, a burden…”

Very well put. It would be best if boarding schools were all closed, except maybe for teenagers.

I don’t believe people who choose ministry to tribal peoples should even have children if they are not prepared to home school them/protect them/nurture them. If they do choose to have children they should be fully prepared to provide all of their needs within the family and/or local community.

It is shocking that missionary couples accepted that they somehow could abdicate this responsibility in the name of God and get some sort of free pass for it because they had a religious career. I understand that they were lied to, assured that boarding school was *fun*, like summer camp(!)- but now that the world knows the truth, how can anyone still buy into that lie?!?

By: Naomi Cleaves

Naomi Cleaves — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 05:19:22 +0000

Naomi Cleaves (Quilliam) :I am the first to admit that I am not the perfect christian, no matter how much I want to be! God doesn’t fail but I do. I forgive because I need forgiving.

i just want to put this at the top of the page again so that noone thinks that i do not see the log in my own eye.

By: Naomi Cleaves

Naomi Cleaves — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 05:15:50 +0000

@Tuti Hess Thank you Tuti, for your support:) No-one on the Senegal field knew how to help me. That is another thing NTM may want to look into, qualified counselors on each field instead of thinking that if you have issues it is because you are not in fellowship with God and what you need is to get yourself right with God.

By: Tuti Hess

Tuti Hess — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:38:49 +0000

Hi Naomi, Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate your courage for it takes courage to go against the flow Gods spirit gives us boldness. Forgive me for not trying to reach out to you more. I saw you were hurting but was to concerned about my own life at the time. Graciously God gave me a wonderful husband and 4 kids. I remember your beautiful but sad face. I remember you with your head down all the time and not smiling or talking. How can God bear the anguish and pain I really wish sometimes He would come back now to put an end to the suffering. My heart goes out to you, so very sad and mad for you and everyone who has been hurt.

By: Naomi Cleaves (Quilliam)

Naomi Cleaves (Quilliam) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 04:45:16 +0000

I am doing a parenting course through my church at the moment and it teaches that we should allow our children to exercise there God given free will to make there own choices then it is up to us parents to support them, if they ask, through the consequences. It is not our job to control them, in fact that is impossible. Anyway, this course has taught me a lot about Gods relationship with us, his children. He gave us free will. He lets us make our own decision and make our own mistakes but He is always there to support us and give us the wisdom to get through our consequences if we only ask Him.

I went through a stage not long ago where I thought it was irresponsible of God to allow us to make our own choices even when they were harmful. I thought “I wouldn’t ALLOW my children to hurt themselves!” . But I am coming to realize that the only way we learn anything is through experience and thinking through solutions. We rebel against “wisdom” that is forced on us but when we ask for wisdom and are given the choice of taking it or leaving it we will usually take it. How well God knows his creations! However, this doesn’t mean that I would allow my child to put a knife in the toaster

He also gave free will to abusers. God did not abuse anyone. Yes, he allowed it to happen but how often has he allowed ME to make bad choices that have been damaging to myself and to others around me? We are not Gods puppets.

By: Dale Ingraham

Dale Ingraham — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:12:16 +0000

Dear Debbie and Susan

My wife, Faith, is a survivor of sexual abuse. Her dad raped and molested her from the time she was 9 or 10 until she was almost 18 years old. He was a pastor at the time. It is so hard to believe that a professing christian could do such evil, and even harder to consider that they actually use God and His word as a cover for their filthy sin. (Jude 1:4) I can only imagine God’s outrage at what they are doing. Jesus said in Luke 17:2 “It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones”. I am so sorry for what you have gone through,and I don’t know just how God is going to deal with offenders, but He will. I know that I am on the outside looking in and that I can’t truly know the pain that you feel, but as a pastor I often encourage my folks who are hurting and in need of healing, to reach out and help someone else who is hurting. Faith first came forward a few years ago with her story in order to protect another victim. Since then Faith has grown tremendously and has truly begun to heal for the first time , she has shared her testimony openly to our church and in conferences that we have done. This is something that she never thought was possible. We will be praying for you. Even though you don’t know the people who started this site, I know they will love and pray for you too. http://speakingtruthinlove.org

By: Debbie

Debbie — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 01:20:41 +0000

Such sorrow. Such ugly darkness. I too was abused, here in the states. Christ loving name was twisted and used against me, How deeply that must grieve a loving Jesus. Words can not describe the depth of pain nor how far reaching it is in the lives of those of us who have endured such betrayal. It is indeed hard to work through the idea of a Loving God when his name is used to do Satan’s work. I do believe that hurting a child in the name of Jesus is one of Satan’s blackest lies. It is so good to know that God understands this wound, and that the journey towards healing is filled with questions and anger and tears and disbelief and under it all a deep desire to know that He is truly good,but that much needs to be dealt with before we can be at peace. The journey towards healing is a painful one. and it takes a lot of courage to face the past. But it is a worthwhile season of pain. We need to take this journey to be able to look at and know truth, and worth, and just how precious we are to our loving Lord. i do not preach, I speak from experience. By the age of 5 I had been abused in every way by 6 different people. It didn’t stop there, the abuse continued over the next 8 years and 2 more abusers were added to the list. Abuse is almost all I can remember from my childhood, along with happy feelings about Christmas. After several years with a wonderful Christian psychologist who specializes in this area I can look back on my journey through darkness and Know that Jesus WAS there with me the whole time, even when I didn’t have the least bit of hope, he was there, loving me. He understands. Who can comprehend the mind of one that hurts a child? But then, who can comprehend Calvary? I am so sorry for the pain endured by so many at your boarding school. How desperately you must have longed for safety and the loving arms of a parent who cared. My heart weeps with yours for all the wrong done. This man is no doubt living in his own nightmare. He will have to face his God, I cannot imagine that anguish. I have worked hard on forgiving myself, for self blame is part of the way this thing often works itself out. I desire to forgive those who have wounded me so deeply. I have not arrived there as of yet, but I want to let go of all that entails, so that I may live out the rest of my life resting in the peace of God. This is very hard. But once again, it is the best thing I can do for myself. I wish you well on your journey. Your sister, Debbie K.

By: Kari

Kari — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:23:46 +0000

Susan, thank you for coming here and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear that your boarding school experiences were also bad. Have you tried counseling? I find it helps a lot to talk to someone. Email us anytime.

By: Anon.

Anon. — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 23:12:16 +0000

Susan, I am so sorry to hear the sadness in you.
I’m sorry that you are scarred from being sent away from your parents, the ones that God entrusted you to, and were raised in a boarding school.
I’m so sorry that your life has been this badly affected by what you’ve been through.
I promise to pray for you tonight.