Victoria's Story and phone call with CPC
Two people behind this blog can corroborate Vicky’s stories of these particular dormparents and add their own stories besides.
My name is Victoria Frayne. I am coming forward with information regarding the abuse that took place in Fanda almost 20 years ago. I am a victim and I want my story to be heard.
There are many forms of abuse-emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual. To name a few. While I was growing up in Fanda I endured many of these, handed to me from the people who said they were there to do “Gods work”. When I first came to Fanda, my parents were studying french in Bignona, and I was in the little dorm. Being a small girl and away from my parents, I was lonely and afraid and not sure of how to properly take care of myself.
When I was younger, the little dorm was hell for me. The P’s were the dorm “parents” (i use this term loosely”..and for years after I thought something was seriously wrong with me. A few things that happened while I was in their dorm…I was forced by Judy P. to eat those sausage patties which i hated..they were gross…and when I threw it up in my cup of milk..she made me drink it all. When I lied..I got beaten to the point I had belt buckle welts on my legs. I didn’t flush the toilet during siesta and got the belt. Was this normal. I lied about brushing my teeth once and got welts again from their belt.
I found the P’s to be unusually cruel to those of us who didn’t follow the “rules” or that weren’t like their own girls. I remember being constantly compared to their daughters, and being told we should all be like them.
The “rules” Heaven help us if we didn’t adhere to the damn bell. You know as a young girl…at age 7-8 we still needed our mommys to help us do the minor things..tell us when to brush our teeth..comb our hair..make our beds.. I was never taught by Hammy P or Judy P to do this..i was just expected to grow up really fast and just DO IT. And if it wasn’t done exactly how they thought it should be, we got in trouble. She’d check to see if the toothbrush was wet or not
When I lived in Fanda with my parents I would visit the middle dorm. I was deathly afraid of Phil G, he beat some kid for being late..and I forget the kids name but I can see his face clear as day. Phil kissed me on the mouth at a party and tried to hold my hand. I remember him saying “we were friends”.
A man of God, someone put in a position of power to take care of children, was being the devil in disguise.
When my parents became dorm parents, the B family were in the little dorm. One of my best friends was R B. I spent endless hours at her house, playing dolls and having sleepovers. Things like that should be a fond memory of my childhood. Unfortunately, quite the contrary. I am a victim of Dave and his lewdness. I am a victim of waking up in the middle of the night at a sleepover with him in the bed beside me. I am a victim of his fondling, of his carressing, of his kisses. He told me not to tell anyone, he said no one would believe me and that I would be causing bad things to happen.
So for many years I pushed this into the back of my mind, and didn’t tell anyone. For years I lived with feelings of guilt, why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? They keep telling me to love God and follow him, but where was He in all this shame? Here I am, 33 years old and everything about this hell I endured is finally coming to light and Im still not happy.
What I want to know now is, what has NTM done to rectify this situation? My parents had asked me about this in the last few years and I denied what they already knew. After my own soul searching and many tears, I opened that closet and came face to face with my childhood skeletons. And all those feelings overwhelm me.
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Vicky sent this to the board of NTM and was immediately phoned by the CPC. Here is her summary of what they told her.
CPC says: David B is repentant and fully acknowledges what he did was wrong, but he says it hasn’t happened since he has been in the States.
What that does good to me..I dunno.
If I decide to talk to the people involved, NTM would be more than willing to help out in anyway they can. He said the P’s will be deeply ashamed and apologetic towards me.
NTM said, Please call us if you need anything, or when you figure out your thoughts and course of action on this matter.
I wanted to hear “We will be contacting the individuals named in this letter immediatly without delay”
He said, between you and me, Vicky..the (dormparents) have had nothing but good things said about them..I in turn said “the first year of my life at Fanda was a living hell caused by their harshness..something a child should never have to go through”
He said expenses such as counselling by someone that is not under the Ontario Health Plan ..I can call NTM and they MIGHT be able to help me with that.
He was asking alot of questions, how financially stable I was..about my depression..if NTM could pray for me..stuff like that..
I told him now though, I have a voice which I will not silence. I am not alone in this, contrary to many years I believed I was.
I told NTM that getting punished for lying about something was “right”..but being beaten was totally wrong. Oh and he said alot of the people back then used the “old fashioned” method of discipline. Ok..so in the olden days they beat their kids?
I didn’t really get that part..
He kept saying “Im not making excuses for what happened”.
you know..I wish he would’ve said “NTM will be calling David B to inform him that yet another girl is bringing accusations against him”
I really wanted to hear something like “another phone call to D since you have accused him…we’ll call the (dormparents) and investigate that further..” but nothing like that…it was like..I understand your pain…well NO YOU DON”T..
Admin note – we are adding a #6 to our list of requests/demands. The CPC needs to get a qualified therapist on staff, fast. This is not by any means the first time they have said things that are far far more damaging to a victim than helpful.
AND we think their hearts are in the right place, and we have grown to love each individual we have met on this committee. We think they should get some training in speaking to victims so through their new voice melded with their loving hearts they can become an amazing advocate for us. Please stay with us!
God bless you for coming forward Vicky. You have had some difficult times but I do know from my own experiences in this area that God is in the business of healing. I will pray for this whole issue,
Sarah I am so sorry you were molested as a child. I went to Mamou were 175 of 200 children were abused in all ways. That was 50 years ago yet the results are still with us. The memories may become less hurtful but the emotions set in child hood will always be there. Yes God does meet us in our need and we must rely on Him daily to handle these emotions. One of the things God does is give us courage to tell our stories. These stories are part of the healing. To know that missions can be trusted to get rid of abusers is also part of the healing. As is evident from this web site NTM can not be trusted. Yes many of their missionaries are good, but which ones. Since the mission defends and will hid abusers how can we know when a missionary just speaks in our church once and awhile. Our former pastor’s daughter was abused by a visiting missionary. Most missions are weak in this area. Missions are quick to get rid of people who hurt their public image by not following mission policy, but slow in dealing with the abusers of their children. From the evidence I have seen from a number of missions I question all.
I thank God for Kali, Bonnie and all the others who started this site. They are in my prayers often each day.
Hi Vicki, it’s been so many years since we’ve spoken. I am so sorry to read about the horrors you endured as a child, stranded. (For those of you who don’t know me, my parent swere supporters of NTM as we lived near the Durham, Ont. headquarters and would visit with famiies there often. I also attended NTBI in Jackson, MI). I knew some of you who attended Fanda, and looking back, I knew you were scarred in some ways even before all of this came out. I was sexually abused as a child and understand the emotional damage it does, but God sets us all free. Once the truth comes to light. I know you all want to see real remorse from D and some sort of apology (which wouldn’t cut it anyways) but that will probably never happen. You don’t NEED that to heal, believe me! You don’t. God can gently dig out these deep roots of anger, confusion, bitterness, the sense of loss, etc. and bring you past this. Only God can. Every time you are consumed with thoughts of the hurts from Fanda, tell God. He is the best Counsellor. Ask Him to take all of this from you. It’s not that you will ever literally forget, (He made us with memory) but I can tell you for myself, the memories are far much less painful today than they were even 10 years ago. Now I see clearly that the person who did this to me was mentally sick somehow, operating in sin. I can see it for what it was and I am a healed woman. I pray this for all of you who attended Fanda, as well as for your parents. They love you so dearly and they love the Lord. They are going through this too. I too have been able to comfort others with the same comfort by which I was comforted. I understand some of you want to see Dave, the abuser, punished for his CRIMES here and now, well guess what? There was a loving God who saw what happened to a little child. Children are a “treasure” from the Lord. And “Uncle Dave” will stand before Him one day to give account. Justice will be served. Too bad he can’t be locked up for a while for his crimes. He is a very sick individual (and so is his wife) who should have been immediately released from NTM. Facts state that child predators don’t ever stop. He only confessed when he had to. He should not be protected at all by anyone in NTM. They will give account also. Let’s remember there are alot of good people doing the right things in NTM, but for sure I see the “sweeping under the carpet” that has gone on, which just isn’t healthy for the abused. God be with you all in this difficult journey, and have courage…alot of people will be praying. For any of you who still cannot muster the strength to say you were hurt, too, we will trust God for that strength for your sakes and for real healing to begin in your lives also.
NTM prefers to handle as much of this stuff on the phone as possible. Later, they will not be able to remember all the details. Get as much out of them in writing as possible. YOU are willing to go on record; so should they.
These people need to be in jail. It’s a crime, punishable by US federal law. It’s not about loss of a job or association from NTM, but about sin and the legal system.
Judging by the above note from Vicky, I am feeling hopeful that NTM is actually doing the right thing.
From Vicky
Dear Leadership of NTMC:
Thank you for coming down and meeting with me. As I informed you, I want the Penners dismissed immediately from NTMC in fairness to us, the victims. No manner of change in THEM will change the pain and suffering caused by this couple on us. You told me they admitted to their responsibility in this, so they need to face the consequences of their actions.
“Fourth, NTM is committed to pursuing an investigation of any new allegations or further investigating existing allegations and applying its policies and administrative outcomes to those individuals who have violated NTM policies.”
my question is – is NTM pursuing an investigation of the new allegations brought to them by vicky?
judging from her conversation with an NTM member, the answer seems to be no. in that case, is anything in the statement from NTM truth?
I strongly urge NTM to stop and think about the words “the (dormparents) have had nothing but good things said about them”. Throughout history there are innumerable examples of people that have committed horrible atrocities such as rape, murder, and child molestation who were considered “good” people by their friends and neighbors.
Considering the sub-culture of abuse that has infected NTM over the last several decades I urge the leadership to put aside any preconceived notions they may have about people the think they know and approach these issues with renewed hearts. By focusing on the solid evidence they already have, such as confessions etc., NTM can make the difficult decisions that are necessary while avoiding a witch hunt.
friends, i know who vicky is referring to in this letter. this woman (and to a lesser extent her husband), should never, ever have been responsible for children, in any country and at any time. she has affected my life and my view of myself to such a huge level that i got impromptu tears of empathy in my eyes a few days ago when i digested vicky’s story for the first time. it brought back things i have been aware of (but refused to give significance to) for so long, but at the same time it also made me feel that i was not alone, not a horrible little girl who tried so hard to measure up and yet failed miserably despite my best efforts. i also was forced to eat my own vomit, and had the belt buckle scars, and lived in fear of god’s wrath, and was ridiculed and told in exact words that i was ugly and weird for not measuring up to an impossible standard i could never achieve. i back vicky up one hundred percent, whether every other person who had this couple as dormparents thought flowers grew out of their asses or not.
my point: for a child protection service to say that “they have had nothing but good said about them” to someone who is reporting gross negligence – that’s not just criminally incompetent. it’s also kind of like the three stooges trying to run a counseling service. their bumbling around hitting folks on the noggin might be entertaining, but they aren’t going to do anything but make your head hurt.
THis is really very worrying, it must be understood from victims that NTM will never take their claims serioulsy. If they were a trustworhty organisation then they would have acted sooner and brought justice. In providing forgiveness they are allowing all child abusers to continue to abuse. There are many accounts of child abuse in NTM. It is my opinion that NTM have a strategy of ignoring it, if they acknowledge that it was happening and that they in turn have done nothing to protect children in their care then they are compicit. Please seek legal advice and press criminal investigation or civil case.
I’m a mom. A mom who knows some of the effects of this wicked kind of abuse. My heart is broken with the pain of your childhood. I want to reach out and embrace you. I so wish none of that horror happened to you.
You are standing once and for all against the self-lies that the sins against you and your young, innocent life recorded in your psyche. satan has kept you in that bongage of shame and self-hate.
To now speak out, I feel like a wall of deceit and shame is being torn down in your life. I so want you to have the support you need to walk through this messy, confusing journey towards wholeness and LIFE and healing.
You are Beautiful. You are Precious. You Matter!
Yes I’d like to add that this phone conversation was awkward, because after my experiences I have a really hard time talking and opening up to people I don’t know. I appreciate the immediate response to my letter.
RE: Admin note – when I asked the CPC why they haven’t contacted Child Protective Services in Dave B’s area, the response was, “You could call them.”
I was also called by the CPC by phone, because they wanted me to give them Dave B’s address and phone number.
These examples go to show that the CPC is in desperate need of a qualified therapist.